I always felt a little disappointed. Aside from my fascination with the female body I never really felt physically or emotionally satisfied.The military had filled a very large void in my life but there still was emptiness.I desperately wanted, what I have come to realize was almost totally absent in my childhood, a loving family. I was slow to mature. Even with my extensive experience in the military, living on the edge and exploring the world, I was still walking around with my mouth hanging open, so to speak. By the time I was in my middle twenties I think I was still emotionally and socially a teen in my ability to handle my own life.Looking back it was really amazing. I had no qualms about dropping the hammer on a human target and had done so. I not only survived; I functioned at a high level of efficiency in an often very dangerous environment. With all of that, I still could not made a clear decision about myself. I still had no direction other than that handed to me by. That will be the safe word for us, we had a good weekend there once.’ I nodded in agreement. ‘And one more thing. Nobody else. It’s just you and me. I’ve waited for years for this. We can pretend, we can roll play, we can have our fantasies, toys, dress up. We can go to bars and pretend be other people meeting for the first time if you want to. We can do a bunch of things. But it has to be us and only us. Us for our bed, us for our lives.’ At that point, I pulled his head down to mine and wrapped my arms around him. That was the only answer I needed to give him. It’s always been my answer with him until he did a Scott. Now it will be my only answer for him, for us. He pulled me even closer, and grabbed both of my cheeks from behind and squeezed me roughly, then slapped my right cheek. ‘What kind of a man are you? In less than a minute, you’re already starting to try to get into my pants.’ He looked at me with a little surprise. Then I added, ‘What took you so long?’ while I started.
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